What does the term “emotionally unavailable” mean to you? It is a term that is thrown around a lot. But that does not necessarily mean the same thing to everyone.
Have you ever been in a relationship or marriage with someone who felt you were emotionally unavailable? Does a romantic friend or partner already describe you this way?
The term, in my opinion, is ironic. Because if you are not really emotionally available, it will be very difficult to understand the meaning of the term. In other words, it really helps to be emotionally available if you want to understand what it means to be unavailable.
Much of this has to do with how a person deals with their own emotions. This usually goes to the way your emotions have been treated as a child.
Obvious Signs A Man is Emotionally Unavailable
He’s lovely, gorgeous and perfect except … he seems more than a little emotionally unavailable. If it’s hard to believe that your Prince Charming is not the embodiment of perfection. There is just something that does not seem quite right. You want to know for sure? Here are some signs that he is emotionally unavailable.
Apologies, Apologies..Too Many Excuses
A solid sign that your guy is emotionally unavailable is if he seems to have an excuse for everything. There always seems to be some justification or an explanation for doing the things that it does.
Where Is Your Man?
Another sign that your guy is emotionally unavailable is that he is physically more available to you. You talk to his voicemail more often than you talk to him, and when you text he will come back hours or days later.
The Mysterious Man
Have you been dating for a few months and still do not know much about your mate? Keep yourself in the dark about the more intimate details of his life. Especially when it comes to the future or flagrant evasions or secretive means.
Me, Me Me
When you are unable to find you’re beautiful, it is usually on his terms, when he decides, so more than ever to interrupt his routine. And while we are honest, it’s usually only ever to serve ones needs the vilest.
Of Married Men and Serial Dating
Men who are emotionally unavailable may have multiple wives. They are involved with whether it is a woman, girlfriend or “friends with benefits”.
A Man Leverages on Technology to Please You
If your guy is emotionally unavailable, chances are he has hard wired with electronic means of communication. He uses his email, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, AIM or any other means of contact other than the call.
A Man Who Does Not Cling After Sex
While someone who hugs is not all the guys, you at least expect the guy who is accompanying you to hang on a bit after intercourse. If it is not, it’s totally time for you to really look at why you’re spending time with it! If he immediately takes his phone after you have had your moment – that is not good for anyone!
Friends With Benefits To Everyone
Many guys would like to keep it casual, but there is a difference between casual and FWB! If he mentions these three little words to you, chances are he’s not going to become your friend at all.
Where Are His Friends?
Ah, so you have finally taken after months of dating over 30. You are not going to meet his friends. His friends are a mystery to you and heck. You could be a mystery to them too! Guys know that the question of friends can be a tricky thing and it’s not uncommon for there to be a delay in bringing you and them together.
He Disappears After He Has Conquered His Conquest
Many emotionally available men are all about hunting. If you notice that once you express your feelings for him, or once you sleep with him, you do not hear from him anymore then you should be worried.
How to Connect With the Emotionally Unavailable Man
Emotionally unavailable men can appear anywhere in your life. He can be a husband, friend, son, brother or father. These men seldom share what they feel and may appear indifferent to the woman’s one-sided hearing of her feelings.
Emotionally unavailable men may withdraw, ignore or even on the defensive or angry when asked to be vulnerable in a relationship. In order to connect with emotionally unavailable men, you will need to understand why they are withdrawing and how to connect safely.
- Step 1: Learn what motivates your man’s emotionally unavailable behavior. He may have had a childhood characterized by, a dominant controlling mother, an emotionally distant or unavailable father, or a household of physical, psychological or sexual abuse. Relative to a deep level may not feel safe for him. A qualified counselor can help you identify and deal with your fears.
- Step 2: In order to connect with an emotionally unavailable man, you must not react with emotional pain from your past that could prevent him from opening.
- Step 3: Feelings and not the accusations of the state. Try to tell him you miss to talk to him. It is difficult to argue with feelings.
- Step 4: Ask what you want. Men generally like to take stock and help solve a problem. Turning around the bush with vague complaints or accusations rarely facilitates connection. Asking him to spend a few minutes talking to you because you feel alone will help him know what you want and can help him be more willing to connect.
- Step 5:Ask gently if he would be willing to share what he feels about a certain subject.
- Step 6:Thank him and let go. Once he shares his thoughts or feelings, run from the desire to make the most of him that he is willing to offer. This can give him the freedom to share more the next time you ask.
Break The pattern of Unavailable Men
Research shows that our primary romantic relationship is what most determines our level of happiness in life … more than money and even health. Hence the importance of choosing a life partner well. Connecting with another person means opening our heart and our life to someone who can make us happy or completely miserable.
But sometimes we find ourselves attracting the wrong people. A pattern that I often see in my practice is that of wonderful, intelligent and successful single women, who attract emotionally unavailable men. Note that I am not talking about committed men, but men who are simply not looking to be exclusive, of the so-called “players”, men who do not have the capacity to be happy with what they have.
Some men just want to enjoy the physical aspect of relationships. If that is what you also want, go ahead. But it is important to consider the emotional aspect of attachment that sex brings for us women over 30. When we seek to attract the love of our life, the man of our dreams, who could be our husband … there is no “unattached sex”. When the ties begin to be built, it is important to know where you will land.
And it is an especially common pattern among women over 30 who have previously had a painful love break.
You need to learn about yourself, understand how you make decisions, how you act and respond in love, to trust again. The more you know yourself, love yourself, and know what drives you internally to choose the men you choose and do the things you do … you can better choose the right men for you. Taking time to learn about you before entering a new relationship will avoid disappointments and unhealthy situations.
How to Break the Pattern of Attracting Unemotionally Available Men
If what you are looking for is a life partner, you need to break the tendency to choose and trust the wrong men. You need to attract a man who has matured emotionally enough to understand your needs and priorities, so that your new relationship does not have an expiration date.
Now, emotionally immature, unreliable men show their game quite early. So if you look closely at some points you can quickly recognize them. And it is important that you do it, because it will affect your happiness.
Here I leave you 10 questions that you must ask yourself to identify a man who cannot give you what you are looking for:
- How does he treat you in public?
- How does he treat you in private?
- How does he treat other people, such as waiters and service employees?
- How much does he share his life with you?
- Does he respect your priorities?
- How open is he with you?
If you ever feel pressured, tense or uncomfortable, it is a sign that that person is not the one that will make you happy. Being in the right relationship feels comfortable, light, easy, natural, tranquilizing, and pleasant.